remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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