I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
