I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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