got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
