I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
