you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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