just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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