When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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