It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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