as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
