I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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