We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
