A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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