Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize