This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
