I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize