I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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