My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
