sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
