It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
