What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
should my penis look like a turkey
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
