He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
