I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
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I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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