The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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