I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
