glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
