i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
