Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
