I wanna bring you to show and tell
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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