everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
