Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
