he shaved USA in his pubs
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
