dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
