Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
