Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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