I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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