let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
