How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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