On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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