My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
