C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
