I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
