Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
