yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
