My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
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I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
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On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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