Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
