If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Never underestimate the power of titties
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