We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
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If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
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Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.