I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
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someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
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I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.