I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
