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sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
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