I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME