there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(