Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.