Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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