Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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