can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
