Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
