I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
