In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It's official drugs can't kill me
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
