HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
