The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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