anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
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