i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The best revenge is premature balding
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
