I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
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