also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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