I smell stomach acid.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
