I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
