I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Every concussion has its silver lining
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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