this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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