Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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