Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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