Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
