and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
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