he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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