Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
