Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
