We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
