So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
