the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
