I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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